What the fuck ?
Remember, eating about 430 calories yesterday, like all the other days, since monday of this week. But, this morning ... of my balance : more 0.7lbs (300grammes) ! What ???? I would never have thought that I can weigh heavier than tomorrow ..! I don't know what the problem with me, and where is the problem. I'm too disappointed and I'm feel really depressed today. All the efforts I did since monday are throw in the bin, in my fat in one day which seemed terribly normal !
But, I'm really really really really HAPPY ! On monday, school start again ! With new start of the school sound to me a new start of weigh loss.
A typical day at school :
Breakfast : one fruit juice / orange juice (10-20cal) or a glass of soy milk (100cal)
Lunch : one tomato (20cal), a small piece of carrot (10cal) and one clementine (20cal)
Snack : one or two clementine (20-40cal)
Diner : one soy steak (130cal) or one soup (30cal) or one piece of green vegetables (30cal) and sometimes, with a soy yoghurt (80cal).
Total (if I take the more calorie) : 380cal
Total (if I take the less calorie) : 110cal
And, just to finish this article until the star of the new year, my resolution :
At school : - Have good marks
- Go in a Litterary classroom next year
- Can have a dialog with a Swedish correspondent
With people : - Meet new friends
- Have a boy friend ( Haha )
- Find understanding people (in my new high school ?)
- Go out a lot to forget my E.D.
With my E.D. and my body : - Reach my GW3
- Keep it for all this year
- Eat more and more calories when I'll reach my last goal
- Keep my Vegan diet
Tomorrow it's a new life which is begin with the new year.
Dec 31, 2010
Dec 30, 2010
Argh !
Happy yesterday, but today I eat a piece of sandwich bread with ... chocolate soft margarine ! Just one, but calories are calories ... more than 80 calories a snack (with a soy yogurt at 80 calories and chocolate at 50cal). So about 190 calories a snack ! Amazing ... It's just too much for me, my stomach and my hips.
Let's recap if it doesn't matter ... or not.
Breakfast : orange juice (negative calories, about 10cal)
Lunch : one soy steak (132cal) and a carrot (40cal)
Snack : so, 190 calories ...
Diner : green beans (30cal) and a piece of tofu (35cal)
Total : 437cal Not too bad ...
But it's not really calories that make me scared it's the nutritionnal value of an ingredient ! In chocolate there are lots of fat (and sugar), like in sauces, margarine, oil, biscuits ... That's really make me scared 'cause I don't want to be fat, but I eat fat foods !
And me who was too happy yesterday ... I didn't stay as strong as want ! Maybe other day will be better, but tomorrow it will be not :
New year 2011, with my best friend, with fat and big meals. SELF CONTROL ! I just keep it, but in these situations, it's too hard to don't fall ...
Let's recap if it doesn't matter ... or not.
Breakfast : orange juice (negative calories, about 10cal)
Lunch : one soy steak (132cal) and a carrot (40cal)
Snack : so, 190 calories ...
Diner : green beans (30cal) and a piece of tofu (35cal)
Total : 437cal Not too bad ...
But it's not really calories that make me scared it's the nutritionnal value of an ingredient ! In chocolate there are lots of fat (and sugar), like in sauces, margarine, oil, biscuits ... That's really make me scared 'cause I don't want to be fat, but I eat fat foods !
And me who was too happy yesterday ... I didn't stay as strong as want ! Maybe other day will be better, but tomorrow it will be not :
New year 2011, with my best friend, with fat and big meals. SELF CONTROL ! I just keep it, but in these situations, it's too hard to don't fall ...
Gone back up morale.
Happy !
I didn't make any errors in my diet ! Not one in three days. I'm really really happy of that. I keep again my self control, it's a good new for me.
But, something hampers me ... I just lose 1.3lbs (600g) ! I think it's not enough than all the efforts I did !
I'm a little bit confuse ... But I must stay strong, and seem happy to succeed : I hope, in the 10 january I'll weigh 88lbs (40kg), my first goal.
I didn't make any errors in my diet ! Not one in three days. I'm really really happy of that. I keep again my self control, it's a good new for me.
But, something hampers me ... I just lose 1.3lbs (600g) ! I think it's not enough than all the efforts I did !
I'm a little bit confuse ... But I must stay strong, and seem happy to succeed : I hope, in the 10 january I'll weigh 88lbs (40kg), my first goal.
Dec 27, 2010
I hate me too much.
Bad day or good day ? I don't know well ...
I was alone today, and I don't eat a lot ... I kept my self control but not at all, not in the way I want !
Something went wrong today ...
I'm vegan. Yes, since may 2010. But, today I eat chocolate. Not dark chocolate ; white and wilk chocolate !
Why ? I don't know yet ...
I ask myself, my brain. No answer. I feel too alone now ... Too alone with my "not-vegan" body, with my fat body, with my stomac who cries, cries because he receive milk, butter and so much "not-vegan" things. I feel too alone with my hips who cries too ...
I want to be thin and really skinny ! I don't want to be fat or a really big girl !
When I will be thin, the girl who I want to be ? When can I keep my self control all a day in everything, all a week, all a month ..?
I was alone today, and I don't eat a lot ... I kept my self control but not at all, not in the way I want !
Something went wrong today ...
Why ? I don't know yet ...
I ask myself, my brain. No answer. I feel too alone now ... Too alone with my "not-vegan" body, with my fat body, with my stomac who cries, cries because he receive milk, butter and so much "not-vegan" things. I feel too alone with my hips who cries too ...
I want to be thin and really skinny ! I don't want to be fat or a really big girl !
When I will be thin, the girl who I want to be ? When can I keep my self control all a day in everything, all a week, all a month ..?
Dec 26, 2010
A few words about me.
Pauline. 15 years old. France.
Height : 5'1 ( 1m55 )
HW : 99 ( 45kg )
CW : 98.5 ( 44.5 kg) December 26th, 2010
LW : 80 ( 36.3 kg )
GW1 : 88 ( 40kg )
GW2 : 77 ( 35kg )
GW3 : 70.5 ( 32kg )
Since one year I've been walking with Ana.
Since three years I've been constantly in diet.
When can I be really happy ?
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