I'm a liar.

I can't keep my self control. I eat a lot. Nevertheless, I make my program day after day, all the evening. But, the disaster begin at the morning, when I'm wathching TV which makes me forget my program and promises. 
Normaly I have to drink a green tee and a light milkshake with berries and soy milk ; and sometimes eating a small part of oat. But, what happen all the day (and the "all" is really hopeless) : I took that is written on my program but I continue to eat (compote, chocolate cereals ...) So, the total of calories is high ! 

I told to my mother that my weigh is 48kg (105Lbs) and she said that I must lose weigh (But I'm not at this weigh !). I was sure of her answer when I told her my lie. So, she forces me to eat an apple for my snack, reduce fat and sugar ... Haha, I'm happy because she thinks that I have to lose 8kg (17Lbs) 'cause for her, my ideal weigh is 40kg (88Lbs). 
I'm about 45kg (99Lbs), and I have to lose more that 10kg (22Lbs), is more than my mother want, but I can reach easily my goal if she helps me, and if I lie her that I have difficulties to lose (It's completly false, because I know that I can lose about 1kg (2Lbs) per week haha). 


Tomorrow, I'll promise you, Ana, that I'll start a hard diet, that I'll follow you rules and your tips. 

Meeting.

The "famous" and waited meeting has come. 
Not a cinema as excepted but we have eaten in a japanese restaurant ... But I was too happy to think about that it was in my plate. I took a piece of chips and some chinese pasta. That lasted 45minutes, a bit long for eating, but I was with him ; and that's just the thing that I will. We spoke and spoke about all and nothing ! I can't imagine that I was with him today, just a few hours ago. 


My weigh is of 45kg (99Lbs), more that I expected ... It's the dark part of this day ..! 

Very strangely.

I don't know really how I feel. It's a little bit strangely since one week. 

I seem always hungry (And I eat ...) ; my stomach hurts me constantly, from my awakening to my bedtime ; I often need going to toilet haha ; my throat is always dry and I have a cold ... 

If I hadn't had a good thing this week, I think I would have been really depressed, sad and tired. 


What's that good thing ? Haha, a good thing with ... a boy ! 
Just a cute boy who I have noticed since the beginning of the year, has invited me for wednesday afternoon to go to cinema. I'm happy and ... really really very stressed ! I can't be relaxed since friday evening ..! I kown him just a little bit, and I don't know what he enjoy, his lesure activities ... Yes, it could be a conversation's subject : his life. But, yeah, I will meeting him and that's all. We will speaking, that we will speaking haha ! 


A happy post. But, I continue now to have my stomachache ... And a spot just above my lips, very glamour for wednesday. Hum, I can only speak about that, I look forward to this day !


P.S. : My weigh is about 44kg (97Lbs) less or more I don't know 'cause ... I don't really want to know. My fear is staying but I have to weigh myself tomorrow morning !

No words to say.

I don't know what the matter with me. I don't know why I ate. Why I ate a lot. A lot of food. 
I know why I don't know my current weigh ... 'Cause I don't want to know it. Obviously. 
Why I eat while I fell like a fat girl, a big cow ? Because my stomach cries ? Of course not. It's just because I want to eat. In my head, when I'm hungry, it's like a crowded street. And, to stop this mess, I eat. What I eat ? Nothing that is really fat or sweet ... Just something, that I am going to regret but what I eat.


I have still say today like the other days : Tomorrow, I promise. 


Tomorrow, okay. I'll do it. I'll weigh myself. I'll see the truth. 

First of the new year.

Let's make a recap. A bad recap haha. I ate some (some ?) chocolate. I ate lots of not-vegan chocolate. So today, it's the last day I'll eat. Tomorrow : School ! Tomorrow : Weigh loss ! 


Just a few words to say that I don't know my weigh ... I'm a little bit (only a little ?) scared .


I'll weigh myself only tomorrow or tuesday ... I don't know yet !
I don't hope that I'll lose weigh ; I'm sure that I'll lose !